Got my license. Yay.

Ironically, I’m heading down to school today, so I won’t really have an opportunity to use it until at least Christmas break. However, the license *will* be used for ID purposes when I turn 21 in November. Yay.

I think one of the reasons I don’t post a lot is because people rarely comment. This makes me think two things:

1 - I’m not writing anything interesting enough to warrant a comment. Now, I know that I often read other people’s blogs without commenting, and it’s not because their blogs aren’t interesting. It’s because I’m lazy, or sometimes in Sara’s case because so many freaking people have already commented that it feels redundant. And I’d kind of rather say it in person, because I can and that separates me from some of the random people that read Sara’s blog. …. But yea, so I mean I know that it’s slightly irrational, but that’s something that goes on inside my head….

2 - Because nobody comments, it gives the feeling that nobody reads the blog at all (which I also know is untrue, but I mean I already admitted that this is all very irrational). And so therefore it feels that I’m just writing this for myself, and that’s not much motivation for me. It used to be… I used to keep diaries and blogs just for the sake of writing or remembering or something, but these days I mainly just keep a blog to keep in touch with everyone.

Anyway… My brother’s going down to UofM today. I’m really excited for him. And I’m torn because I reeeally want to go with him and help him move in and decorate, etc., but today is Will’s birthday. And in the two years we’ve been dating, I’ve missed both of his birthdays. So I really wanted to spend his birthday with him… So I don’t know. I kind of told everyone that I was staying here with Will, but my brother didn’t get that memo apparently, cause he just told his friend that his mom and his sister are going down with him… and they don’t leave til 1, so that gives me time to change my mind… but I don’t know…

This weekend I went to my mom’s cousin’s wedding. It was a lot of fun, mostly because it was the first time I really interacted with my family as an adult instead of one of the kids. This is in part because I haven’t had much time to interact with them at all since I graduated from high school.

Anyway, we got to the hotel early so that we could sit by the pool for a while and have cocktails. I was allowed a drink as well. Mom, Aunt Carrie, and I then got our hair washed and styled at the hotel salon. I told the hair dresser to do whatever she thought would look good with my hair, and I was hoping for something modern and chic, but I should have known better considering she looked about 50, and most of her clientele seemed to be in their 70s to 80s. It turned out classic, almost 1950s, but I liked it anyway… I meant to get a picture, but forgot.

At the wedding reception, my Uncle Jim had a date, which was the first time he has brought a date to a family event, so that was exciting. His date, Brian, was absolutely fabulous, and I spent most of the night with the two of them. Throughout the course of the night I had a cosmo, a fuzzy navel, and a sea breeze.

All in all I’d say it was a very good time. And I’m finding that I grow fonder of my family as I grow older. Most of you know my immediate family, and many of you even know my close extended family (my mom’s parents, and her siblings and their children), but that’s really only the tip of the ice burg. I have a HUGE family. Huge. …anyway, the point is I’ve realized that they’re all really fun people.

…especially at a wedding with an open bar….

What do you want me to say to you, bitch?!?!? (and by bitch, I mean Cole. And I mean that in the most loving way possible.)

I haven’t updated since Will’s been back. Coincidence? I think not. I’ve been busier, and honestly there’s not much new to say. I work, I spend time with Will, and sometimes I hang out with friends.
Nothing exciting.

I’m really exciting to be going back to DC soon. My room is going to be suhweet, and it’ll be really nice to have a life again. I’ve pretty much said all this on LATU though… which is probably another reason I don’t update as often- because I say everything on LATU.

But yea… My roommate and I decided we’re going out to Vapianos for dinner the night I get back, which I’m super excited for.

After pigging out on brownie batter and the small batch of brownies that actually made it into the oven, my cousins and I happened to watch the episode of Friends in which Rachel’s sister says to Joey, “a moment on the lips; forever on the hips.” And I immediately began to deeply regret the brownie binge.

I want to like my body.

You know what’s cool about my little brother? I’m online shopping for a dress for the wedding I’m going to in August, and I find this reeeally cute dress, so I show it to my brother and he’s like: “Yea that’s really cute.”
Me: “Wait, or do you like it better in the red..?”
Him: “Oooh yea, I like the red better.”
Me: “But which color do you think would look better on *me*?”
Him: *pause* “…I think the red would look good on you.”

Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like a lot of brothers would have been more reluctant to discuss clothing.

(Unfortunately the dress was sold out in my size. Damn me for being the most common dress size!)

My mom had scheduled a massage appointment for this morning, but she couldn’t make it, so I went instead. I had to get up at 8:30AM to go… but it was sooo worth it.
While I was there, the chiropractor informed me that my left hip is lower than my right.. Though with my bad posture I’m not surprised that my alignment is off.
But the massage was epic. By the time it was over, I felt completely paralyzed and more comfortable than I’ve ever felt. I soo didn’t want to ever move again. And when I got up and moved around, I felt sooo much more loose than I’ve ever felt. Especially in my shoulders and neck… I swear I can turn my head farther to the sides than I could before…
This is covered by my mom’s insurance, so she said I could go every other week if I wanted.
Why have I never done this before???

But since I had to wake up at 8:30, this day feels like it’s lasting forever…

Sometimes I don’t think I can handle life. I get very scared of it… I get anxiety attacks from how difficult life is and how unprepared I am. I’m 20, and I’m already in more debt than I can even really comprehend. And I think I have a plan, but what if it doesn’t work out? What if I’ve overestimated the plausibility of this plan? I keep making the same stupid mistakes, repeating bad habits… but when I was younger it wasn’t really a big deal, because my responsibilities were more trivial and the repercussions lesser.
I have a tendency to procrastinate and avoid responsibilities when I start to get scared of life like this… and that just makes things worse. It makes problems larger.
I hate this feeling of anxiety in my stomach… From what I hear, this is why many people smoke cigarettes or pot, but I’m not into that… I usually just turn to Will…
I need him back. I’ve gotten so used to talking to him about everything, all of my problems, that it adds to the anxiety and frustration that he’s entirely unreachable to me right now. And as ridiculous as it is, I’m so used to turning to him that I feel awkward about turning to anyone else at this point…

I just watched a fairly delightful movie called “Driving Lessons,” but then I was purging my inbox and I stumbled across a responsibility that I’ve been neglecting, and that triggered the anxiety.

I kind of want to just go to sleep early, but I’m afraid that it’ll take me too long to fall asleep and in the meantime I’ll be left alone with my thoughts… I think my only choices are to watch “Boy Meets World” online, or to read my book (”Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”). I’m trying to decide which I think will work better. And whether or not NyQuil would be a reasonable solution…